My love/hate relationship with to-do lists

Some days, I feel this overwhelming sense of pride because I spent a few minutes scribbling out a to-do list and I crossed off most of those things over the course of a few days. It’s a wonderful feeling - to check off or cross out one task after another and actually see the productivity blooming all around me.

But last week, and this past weekend has gotten the best of me.

There are days when I feel like my to-do list keeps growing and I struggle to do even the simplest of things. My tasks at home and at work pile up, and I end up spinning my wheels on things that don’t matter. Then, there is no joy, or happiness bubbling inside me because I feel like the rut I am stuck in will swallow me whole. A weight begins to press down on me and I start to feel the pressure of life threatening to squish me like a bug.

For many years, I’ve let that weight hold me down - both mentally and physically. I’ve thought to myself, “why try today? I didn’t get anything done yesterday. Today will be no different.” I wouldn’t even try to pull myself together, because in my mind, I had already decided to give up. If I couldn’t cross something off my list, then there would be nothing to be accomplished and I would be a failure.

I’m here to tell you that I’ve learned the hard way that this is not the way to live. See, I was not always crossing tasks off my ever-growing list because I never wrote down the little things because I never deemed them important enough. But those small things added up and needed just as much attention as the big tasks. I should have paid more attention to the finer details, but I was too caught up in making big waves with big, important tasks that would be noticeable to everyone so we could all celebrate together.

What I learned was, just because I never wrote something down to be completed, didn’t mean that I could neglect that responsibility; not acknowledging the importance of said task had put me in a bind. With my busy schedule of the last week, I have started to feel that weight threatening to smother me again and I’ve decided that enough is enough.

This morning, I have sat down to reflect on what has been accomplished, and it’s a miracle in itself that I’ve done even half of these things. Not only do I have a list of achievements, but my children go to bed knowing they are safe and loved. They are fed and clothed, and that in itself is a full time job. My niece had a beautiful wedding, I had family visit from several states, and all of my plants and pets are alive and thriving.

So, yes. The small things did stack against me. Those loads of laundry and a grocery store run were pushed back by a day, my schedule was wrecked and I did feel like throwing in the towel. (Did you see what I did there?) But, I walked through my house and took a deep breath and relaxed. I didn’t get to all of the things on my to-do list, but we still lived our lives to the fullest and we still had good days. There is no reason for me to beat myself up for crossing something out and celebrating a win, because I was still productive. I just didn’t see it on paper.

Some days, we don’t need to-do lists. Some days, we just need to remember that we are human, and life is busy.

Go live today with your to-do list in mind, but take in the sunshine. Bask in the understanding that sometimes, being still and just living is also a task that can’t be written down. Being happy can’t be written down on a list and crossed out.

XoXo,

E. Wylde